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Selah’s Journal: “Marriage Cannot Be Built On Love Alone” – Dr. Tony Rapu


Dr. Tony Rapu, Pastor of This Present House and founder of Freedom Foundation, Nigeria has given his opinion on marriage, in a long post on his Instagram page.

He expressed that a marriage built on love alone can never last. He stated that everything changes when the love fades between the couple and they cannot go on tolerating each other.

According to him, being in love is a great thing. It is about chemistry, romance and the excitement of seeing each other. Rapu stated that the feeling is what is called puppy love. He noted that puppy love is good in the beginning of a relationship, but it cannot sustain it forever.

The pastor, however, expressed that love is also needed to spice up a relationship. He noted that love fading should be expected in any marriage, adding that it is the reason it cannot be built on love alone.

“The problem with puppy love

Most couples who get married do it because they are ‘in love’ and they usually believe that the feelings that brought them together will last forever and will keep them together forever. The problem with this is that we cannot rely on feelings. Feelings can change depending on so many external factors and they often do.

If your marriage is based on feelings, what then happens when the feelings begin to fade as they inevitably will? The marriage has nothing to stand on. If the only reason you got married was because you were ‘in love’ then you have no reason to stay married when the feelings are no longer there. 

Being ‘in love’ is a great thing. Marrying without some form of emotional attachment would be sad, really. But being ‘in love’ is about the chemistry, the romance and the excitement. It’s about pounding hearts and a constant desire to want to see the person all the time. But this is what we call ‘puppy love’. It is good for the attraction in the beginning of the relationship. Being ‘in love’ is a wonderful thing and is needed to spice up marriage from time to time but it’s not real love and it’s not enough to sustain a marriage. Being ‘in love’ will fade so you need to expect that to happen and not be shocked when it does. 

True love is not what you feel, it’s what you do. It is about commitment. True love cares, it gives, it gets hurt and is willing to die for the one it loves .

We know this because the bible says God is love. He demonstrated His love for us on the cross. That’s real love. It makes sacrifices. That’s the kind of love that makes a marriage last a life time. It is the kind of love that gives something puppy love can never do. Real love is what brings emotional, physical and spiritual oneness in marriage.

Puppies and teenagers can be in love but true love is for grown-ups.” 

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